the things that i love

this is what i mean when i say i find beauty in the simpler things.

> noticing that a pair of siblings have the same nose, or same eyes, or same jawline, and saying 'hey, they must be related' [ i don't know if anyone really means when i say that i love this, cause it sounds kinda creepy when i write it out. ]

> the diversity of coffee mugs in my kitchen cabinet, and that they are displayed in the only cabinet with glass

> standing on my front veranda when its pouring, and i mean POURING rain. i don't get wet but i feel immersed in the weather

> sun flooding in from my mom's california shutters on a sunday afternoon

> people watching. and when i see someone particularily upset, deciding for myself why they are upset

> blurry pictures that only show up as circles of colour

> being told what i said the night before when i had too much to drink. it makes me smile because its the only times when i don't have complete control

> making the perfect pancake

> rebecca mahadeo's writing, her people analysies

> completing a sudoku puzzle without having to use a pencil

> finding typos in the newspaper. even giant corporations make mistakes

> 'Morning' by Andrew Bravener


this will be added to.

today

i have a heart, i have a soul. i have feeling. i find beauty in the simplest, most futile of things. i take each breath knowing that there is more to come, be it bad or good. hoping for good, but knowing good cannot come with some bad along the way. there will always be good to cancel out bad. and trust me, i know. i've seen a lot of fucking bad in my 17 years. in my home, in my friends lives. it hurts me so much every time, but i know it has to come in order for something amazing to follow.

i spoke to a friend not long ago, and it amazed me how so much has changed between us. a secret was shared and tears were shed. i couldn't believe how much had been hidden for so long. it made me want to destroy anyone who would bring so much pain to someone so special. this is life, nevertheless. found in pain, found love.

i needed this. so much. the rain is washing away the past. the rain is washing you out of my hair. out of my mind. a good cry is always needed to find the biggest smiles.

i am so proud of everything right now. a video, a song, and two humans are all it made for me to realize i need to make some changes. i thank you so very much.

tomorrow is a new day. i have a heart. i have a soul. i have more feeling than you could imagine.

words can't explain.

love always.