dec 22

it's more productive to try and fix the situation than to complain about it

be the change you want to see in the world

truth

between you and me, blog,

i really feel like giving up.

art.

" If the limits of art are to be set in advance by the tape measure of mediocre appreciation, by and by we shall have no more art. The essence of art is that it is unique and distinguishable - the expression of the most creative moment of a uniquely creative talent and personality. It is begotten of sensitive and humble appreciation of the greatness, not the littleness, of life; of the eternal wonder of birth, death and love; of insight into great laws of rhythm and form, point and counterpoint, in colour and sound. It exalts, not men, but Man, not at the average, but at his most creative and Godlike.

All great art ... creates in the beholder not self-satisfaction, but wonder and awe. Its great liberation is to lift us out of ourselves. "

i love my life.

kiedis

" When you start putting a pen to paper, you see a side of your personal truth that doesn't otherwise reveal itself in conversation or thought. "

- Anthony Kiedis ( Scar Tissue )

that man is my inspiration.

like an old door that expanded from the heat, i'm stuck. not completing the action. not quite sinking into my frame, because i don't know if thats where i'm supposed to fit.

i'll expand on that later,
i'm so excited for writer's craft this year.

i think i'll make a tumblr!

the things that i love

this is what i mean when i say i find beauty in the simpler things.

> noticing that a pair of siblings have the same nose, or same eyes, or same jawline, and saying 'hey, they must be related' [ i don't know if anyone really means when i say that i love this, cause it sounds kinda creepy when i write it out. ]

> the diversity of coffee mugs in my kitchen cabinet, and that they are displayed in the only cabinet with glass

> standing on my front veranda when its pouring, and i mean POURING rain. i don't get wet but i feel immersed in the weather

> sun flooding in from my mom's california shutters on a sunday afternoon

> people watching. and when i see someone particularily upset, deciding for myself why they are upset

> blurry pictures that only show up as circles of colour

> being told what i said the night before when i had too much to drink. it makes me smile because its the only times when i don't have complete control

> making the perfect pancake

> rebecca mahadeo's writing, her people analysies

> completing a sudoku puzzle without having to use a pencil

> finding typos in the newspaper. even giant corporations make mistakes

> 'Morning' by Andrew Bravener


this will be added to.

today

i have a heart, i have a soul. i have feeling. i find beauty in the simplest, most futile of things. i take each breath knowing that there is more to come, be it bad or good. hoping for good, but knowing good cannot come with some bad along the way. there will always be good to cancel out bad. and trust me, i know. i've seen a lot of fucking bad in my 17 years. in my home, in my friends lives. it hurts me so much every time, but i know it has to come in order for something amazing to follow.

i spoke to a friend not long ago, and it amazed me how so much has changed between us. a secret was shared and tears were shed. i couldn't believe how much had been hidden for so long. it made me want to destroy anyone who would bring so much pain to someone so special. this is life, nevertheless. found in pain, found love.

i needed this. so much. the rain is washing away the past. the rain is washing you out of my hair. out of my mind. a good cry is always needed to find the biggest smiles.

i am so proud of everything right now. a video, a song, and two humans are all it made for me to realize i need to make some changes. i thank you so very much.

tomorrow is a new day. i have a heart. i have a soul. i have more feeling than you could imagine.

words can't explain.

love always.

summer

reading list to be completed with sahel.

everything - jane austen
lullaby - chuck palaniuk
the road - cormac mcarthey
orlando - virginia woolf
jane eyre - charlotte bronte
a multitude of sins - richard ford
anil's ghost - michael ondaatje
girl w a peral earring - tracy chevalier
the corrections - jonathan franzen
scar tissue - anthony keidis

more will be added!

it is

officially summmmmmatime! so stoked its unbeliable. finished exams, finished grade 11, worst/toughest/stupidest year of my life to date.

i really think you're really cute. really. agh!

this weekend will be a good one >:)

i can finally starting reading again! i have time to do things now! weeeeeeeeeeoooooooow!!!

i'm so tired but i have so much to do before saturday. hopefully it will be a good night. i like the smell of laundry.

on a different note - i get the feeling we're so misdirected, i get the feeling we have lost control. so now i'll turn you to the new religion, we're dropping out into the so unknown. its always a good day when you can quote jack's mannequin.

shaleesa + char mission counter - 2.

my hair is stupid, and i think you're cute. did i mention that?


peace!

i think

that you
are just
the

cutest.

my birthday is tomorrow :D

hearts in the night

rediscovered bedouin soundclash

stoking off summer nights
june 19,
come sooner.

life is headed the right direction,
i hope,
for once. :)

i like it.


mmmm yummy french boys!

you

are trying
i like it
keep it up. :)

lets get it back

i feel the need

to start fresh
new season, new attitude


who's with me?

andrew mcmahon

is absolute brilliant.

i thought i'd confess my love. :)

something corporate and jack's mannequin;

any song that is accompanied by either of those titles, are garunteed to be beautiful.

every song is so filled with emotion and you can tell its from the heart,

perfect.

absolute love.

---

a friend calls me up, with her heart heavy still,

she said, ' andy, the doctors prescribed me the pills,

but i know i'm not crazy, i just lost my will. so why am i,

why am i, taking them, still? '

give me something to believe in, a breath from the breathing.

---

there's a pain in my stomach from another sleepless binge,

and i struggle to get myself up again.

i want to hang onto something that won't break away or fall apart,

like the pieces of my heart.

globes and maps, are all around me now.

---

maybe, baby, could you keep me up in bed?

my konstantine, you spin round me like a dream,

we played out on this movie screen.

and i said, ' did you know i miss you? '

can you imagine how badly i'm stoking on seeing him in june?

for the record

1. she's my friend. i'm going to want to see her every so often . i understand that you don't like her, doesn't change the fact that i do. don't be mad at me for living my life. ( i'm not trying to be rude, it just needs to be said ) .



2. it ISN'T funny when you offer me meat. i don't eat it, and the joke is not going to be funny forever. and it never was to begin with. 'ooh, a hamburger. i know charlotte will like that. ha fucking ha.' you sound like an idiot. ( this isn't directed at anyone in particular, a ton of people have done it ) .



3. i'm not going to talk if i'm upset.



4. i smoke weed, get over it.



5. holding grudges, i'll admit, is something i used to excel at. i've come to realize that they do nobody any good and are an entire waste of energy. live and let live. if you have a problem with somebody, don't let it become an aspect of your life.



6. no matter what i do, somebody is going to be mad at me. sometimes its going to be you. i do what i can. its not my job to belong to one person. i can only try to make a sad face a happy one.

i don't know where i'm going with this. i have to read hamlet. i have air traffic stuck in my head. i love aqualung. and danny noriega is an idiot.

give me a reason

maybe i'm being over dramatic. but this is from the heart.

it seems,
that lately..
no. scratch that.
for the past, oh, 6 months or so, i've been feeling things that i never thought i would have to,
about someone who i never thought would leave.
it seem,
as of late,
i'm no longer good enough,
not second best.
i'm the last resort in your eyes.
and i'd just like to know.

WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WRONG.
what the hell did i do to deserve the back burner?
i know i didn't change.
but you did. and not for the better.

do you even remember, how it used to be?
'best friends forever', hangouts everyday, and i even got a 'our lives would suck if we had never met each other'.
so what changed?
sure, i'm not like them.
but that never stopped you before.
i'm all for you finding your way, meeting new people, trying new things..
but i still exist.
maybe you're ready to leave our friendship to rest,
but i just don't think i am.
is that so much for me to ask?

everyone notices, by the way.
maybe you don't.
or maybe you do but just can't acknowledge whats happening.
i keep trying to make it work, but you just don't seem interested.
do you remember, when we were inseperable?

i miss you bestfriend. i don't think you know how much.
i miss our good times. i wish they didn't have to live such a short life.
the hardest part,
is knowing we'll never get it back.

so have fun, enjoy your life, do what you need to do.
but remember:
when you feel like giving a shit.
i'm not going to be all forgiving.
i can only hope for change.

"if i'm going to lose you. i'll lose you now for good."

to begin

16 - female - lost in the process.

i find myself walking down the hall wondering if this is who i am supposed to be. i'll think i've figured it out for one week then discover something new and reconsider everything. for the most part, i know that i'm never going to be 'normal'. wow how cry-me-a-river does THAT sound. i'm always going to be a little off the tracks. but i think i like it that way.

i'm a vegetarian and i love artistry. ( visual - music - dramatic ) creativity. expression. emotions. anything but nothing.
it fills my life and i truly believe life, not only mine but everyones, would be entirely pointless without it. life is what you make it. so make it interesting.

i'm tired. its thunderstorming outside. lazy saturday.